a road less traveled

the job hunt continues.

i turned down a job a week ago. there was no peace when i thought about working in that office. none- at all. i think the easiest thing would have been to take the job, i suppose. most people would say i'm insane in this economy to turn down a job. i wasn't sure i was making the right decision, so i laid out the fleece. a sort of, 'if you want me to take the job, then these are my requirements'. i decided an unwillingness to bend on their end, was an urging from the Lord to move on. i'm hoping i don't regret it. i'm mostly hoping i'm not insane.

i was telling a friend the other day, that it's been a long time since i chose the unknown. to trust the faint voice of God, or what i think is God. (i'll explain that statement later.) you see- when i pray, or sit, or think about being unemployed on june 1st, i have no anxiety. i just have an overwhelming sense that something wonderful is coming. i don't know what, but i'm rather sure of it.

there is a neurosurgeon i love and respect. i talked to him the other day and his office will be hiring soon. you see, it's neurology. i love neurology. lots of my patients now are referred to this specific neurosurgeon. we work very closely. i think it's pretty much a done deal, i just have to wait patiently for him to REMEMBER to hire me. waiting. and there is a chance this waiting could end in...unemployment. but i'm choosing to believe in the peace that exists in my heart. the one that's undoubtedly from Him.

so while i wait, i pray. and hope.

and this my friends, is the road less traveled. i think it's a road i used to wander frequently. when life and decisions were simpler. less dangerous. damaging. but life is scarier now. and the pretty, paved road seems so much easier. the one that says, take the job, be employed.

i do not easily trust. not anymore. i was so confused and manipulated not long ago. and when i chose to do the hardest thing of all, to leave my husband, it was not a matter of trust. it was a matter of survival. i had to choose to leave so that i would not die. i see that God opened the door of freedom from that slavery. but the whole year was such a time of planning, strategic and calculated planning. i had to make very cautious choices to survive. to escape. to hide.

in fact, i'm still hiding. i was walking lily tonight, looking over my shoulder for a blue-green eclipse. his new car that i've never even seen. trying to figure out the best way to get to safety if he drove by. i decided it would be best to run into the middle of the street and yell for help. that way he wouldn't stop, or at least for long. i decided that if he found out where i lived, i would just move out and pay the rest of my lease. (it's only two months.)

that's my reality. but this is different. i've learned to survive. i've spent over a year doing it. and after months of waiting, hoping, and praying, i feel like i can begin to trust the Lord. to trust that maybe i'm not crazy. that maybe the peace that i'm feeling IS from Him. and that faint voice IS His. that i can actually look to Him as a Saviour. as someone real who is going to help me with this next faze of my life. someone i believe to actual be bringing me something good. and the parts of me that hesitate and second guess, and want to hold on, are starting to let go.

and it feels so nice.

the process.

gag. vomit.

i hate searching for jobs. hate it.

the axe finally dropped. i don't even remember the term they used. it all sucks. neurology consultants has to sell-out to the big man before my sweet, hard working doctors go crazy. my position is eliminated, and they sadly let me go.

i'm okay with it. not offended at all. i know they love me and think i'm a star employee. there just isn't a bad employee here, and they've all been here FOREVER.

the thing i'll miss most is

#1- this man. he's been like a dad. he listens to me ramble, tells me that i'll fall in love again one day, laughs at celebrity gossip, listens to me talk about tv, and life. he has been my friend. and newsflash- totally inappropriate to associate with a 67 year old man outside the workplace. so, aside from an occasional stop in to the office. the working relationship ends.

#2- trust. they so trust me to do nearly anything. it's not easily given in the workplace, and i have theirs.

#3- cocktail hour on friday's when the last patient walks out the door. it's so fun. (i mean, what doctor's office you know keeps a six-pack in the fridge and wine cart in the closet?)

#4-patients. i love our crazy, insane, needy patients.

#5-music. sweet dr. kelley brings me cd's he thinks i cannot live without. who does that?

that's not it. but those are the things i'm hoping to find in a new place.

i'm not even freaking out about this. (mass hysteria when i found out about the 'merger' in january.) but now, i have an overwhelming peace that something great is coming.

something great.

and i'd just like to point out......when grey's anatomy merged....there were some seriously hot doctors and a lot of making out. i kind of feel ripped off. i mean....i want my own mcsteamy.

i've got- mcnothing.

hot mess.

ok. so, i love getting my haircut. i get my haircut at bijin in prairie village. it is my single-most favorite place in kansas city. it has it's own distinct fragrance line, and slippers, and robes, and quiet music. and did i mention a glass of wine while i wait? it's glorious.

jenni has cut my hair since i moved here. she's cute and sweet and cuts only curly hair. i never have any fears when i go see jenni. her hair-cuts cost more than a pair of shoes, but i can't bring myself to go anywhere else. one wrong snip, and i look like weird al. (and i only get three haircuts a year, so i think it kind of evens out with the rest of the female population?)

first, picture this: yesterday. haircut time. i decided to go straight from the gym to the salon. sweaty, gross, no make-up, red-faced, and in black stretchy pants and a sports bra.

now, jenni has an assistant. her assistant is always changing, it's usually someone who is starting out at the salon. said person is responsible for washing my hair, getting me a smock, taking my purse, getting me a beverage of choice, and giving me a scalp massage.

so as i'm sitting waiting to be taken back to the back- i'm actually getting a bit antsy. mostly because i've been waiting a few minutes, and i'm so sweaty i'm starting to worry that i'm going to leave a mark in the chair when i get up. (gross, i know.)

and i hear, "megan? for jenni?" and i look, and THIS is calling my name.i'm not kidding. i mean, he had a shirt on. but this is what this kid looked like. exactly. and i was mortified.

i don't have anything else to say, but that. MORTIFIED.

it's all because of the food.

i totally dig award shows. like, love them. maybe it's because i love movies so much, or entertainment in general? i don't know. but my friends? they humor me. they come to my house, they fill out a ballot, they listen quietly while people give their (mostly boring) speeches. they eat and drink and bring something to help out. mostly for the fellowship, and they love movies, but mostly for me. and this year the oscars didn't end until 11:30!!! but they hung in like champs. sweet friends.

there were more of them (friends, that is.) but i'm terrible at taking pictures when i'm busy filling glasses and bellies. this is all i've got.

this is the spread. i can't take credit for all of it, sadly. but most of it kept me up all night saturday and working all day on sunday!




i'm most proud of my desserts! the little cheescake recipe was from redbook, called black-bottom cheesecakes, and they were delicious! the recipe called for creme freche, it was an excellent change in place of regular sour cream. and the other is irish coffee cupcakes. the frosting has whiskey in it. i had my doubts, but it was just enough to give the perfect flavor.


i told todd that if he didn't smile i would post this as 'todd passed out from drinking too much early in the evening." so, it is. (but not really.)

leah and shaune, the cutest little besties.

april doing what she does best. haha! really, she loves food. i don't know where it all goes.

because mindi doesn't

a couple weekends ago i went to manhattan to visit my favorite family. (you can guess who it was.....) i joked with mindi that it was time to start blogging. she mocked me. so...i returned the favor and antagonized that i would do it for her. she laughed. but....like i said i would, here are some shots of my favorite kiddos. (in case you wondered how big they are getting...BIG. a small army, i might say.)

so...since mindi doesn't:

here's zeke. little, but with a BIG opinion. :) he's so funny.


here he is checking out the gecko. i'm not sure of it's name....
i'm lead to believe the name changes on a regular basis.

and the finished product of the disaster you are about to witness. the cookies. i made dough and some of the frosting ahead of time...definitely cut down on the mess and work time. but...i may have made cooper chuck some green frosting in the middle of the night due to sugar overkill! sorry brian and mindi!!!

a patient brian helping out zeke. or shall i say "monitoring the frosting intake?

the only picture of mindi i could manage. and a picture of a very grown up elijah. (i know you're not supposed to have a favorite, but how could i not love this face?!? don't tell him i said that, he's far too grown up to have 'aunt megan' gushing over him.)

and a very grown up emma as well. she took this job very seriously. and made sure to nab every 'girlie' cookie cutter possible.
(turned her nose up at the teenage mutant ninja turtles....what am i supposed to do with flowers and ribbons??? this girl is ALL girl!)

and my very own heart with my name on it. the best one i've ever recieved. elijah was very proud and couldn't figure out why i didn't want to eat it right away. i might have saved it a couple days....but e- it DID get eaten!




eating the goods all along the way.



zeke managed to lick several clean. we snuck them into the trash when he wasn't looking. trust me, no one wanted to eat those!

poor cooper. little did he know, that frosting was not going to stay with him long. seriously. how

cute is that face? ugh. so cute.

coop helped me make frosting during the day. and i couldn't tell him no when he requested licking the spatula. those eyes. no one can resist those eyes.

the boys rocking out to michael jackson. they're so hard core.

i mean really, look at these eyes. i told cooper that his father will have to teach him to use them for good, not evil. seriously, the sweetest little batman ever. my hero.

on a more serious note, i got to go to challenge with mindi on thursday and listen to brian speak. so much fun. it was sort of surreal to be in a place that held so many memories, but to feel like such a different person and to wonder how to return to a place where faith seemed much simpler. the journey with God certianly does change as we experience more life. regardless, hearing brian is always special and important. thank goodness for that. i'm so thankful that they have walked SO much life with me. and that they know me so well. family.

anyway, it was a priceless weekend. my goal is to have these weekends as often as possible. this family is so precious to me. i really just don't know what i'd do without them.

and for the record, after over 48 hours....i now know why mindi does not blog.

music

i love music. i mean, love it. it might be my single most favorite thing in the world. there are so many things i cannot do without the sound of something wonderful in my ears. like- work out. i've been known to walk into the gym, hop on a treadmill, and if my ipod battery is dead- i walk out. i suppose that's not a monumental statement from anyone who might be reading this. duh. megan loves music. but i seem to be finding that i appreciate it so much more in the last year.

here's the thing. mario and i had completely different taste in music. not completely different, but well, we listened to mostly salsa, meringue, bachata....things not in english. which is fine. i LOVE that music too. we danced, we shared a love for dance. latin music brings me joy, but not being in my native language, it's hard to be completely inspired by something i can't fully understand.

so rediscovering my ears has been the most fun thing from my newly single life. i find myself listening to new things all the time and thinking, "how did i NOT know about this?" like, there's not enough time in a day for me to sit quietly and listen to new things.

here are things i currently can't get enough of:




i know. it's a bizarre combination. if there's something you haven't heard of, i can't really take the credit for discovering any of these gems. i have friends that have ridiculously amazing taste in music. (thanks to ben, michael, matt, todd, the list goes on.) but, if it's something you would consider complete crap- that's me. like i said i love music, but dance is my second favorite, and who can't get down to lady gaga?

check them out. hopefully you'll find yourself truly inspired.

what are you listening to?

as promised- the 30 greatest in my 30th.

(in no particular order)

1. My mom (after two check-ups) remains cancer free.

2. My super-rad turqouis walls, and super-cute living space.

3. I went to California twice, and had the time of my life.

4. I lost thirty pounds. (With thirty more to go...) 5. Two weekends ago I laughed really hard. (I remember wondering last Christmas if I would ever laugh again.)

6. My mom's family spent Thanksgiving together, for the first time in 30 years!

7. My arm DID NOT get wripped off by the zip-line. (It was a close call.)

8. I joined a choir.

9. I learned to shop for myself at the grocery store, after shopping for someone else for several years.

10. I danced. And danced. And danced.

11. I got to go see Mutemath with Matt T.

12. April and I went to Oklahoma to visit and old friend, and her super-cute son.

13. My car hasn't caused me any problems.

14. I started work at Neurology Consultants, Chartered, and have never been happier in a work environment. I truly love my job.

15. I went nutso over the Twilight series and have felt like a complete teenage girl with my friends.

16. I was on the Price Is Right! Finally...a long-time goal. (Shout out to my dad, who would be so proud.)

17. My brother and I have bonded over movies at the Mainstreet 6.

18. I have had a lot of fun with these ladies.

19. I went out on New Year's Eve and spent it with people I barely know. A big girl moment for me as I would have rather stayed home.

20. I tried really hard to grow things.

21. I have the most fun, amazing, loving, brilliant friends in the world. (See top)

22. I re-learned what I like. Movies, concerts, music, food....I went to a lot of all of thee above and loved seeing parts of me come to life that I had long forgotten!

23. I pinpointed some major issues I've been having in my relationship with church/God/etc. Now....solving them....I'll let you know how that goes at my 40th. ;)

24. My dog. She's so much good fun.

25. I learned how to make boundaries and say 'no'. Maybe I say it too much, now?

26. In the few 'Mario Encounters' I had. (Two in person, and two on facebook.) I was able to handle the situation without fear, conflict, and letting it destroy my day/week. I hope I never have them again, but I know now that I can survive them.

27. I got a Starbucks gift card for Christmas. (I know, I know. But I really love it that much.)

28. I cancelled cable. A tough, but very good decision. Thank goodness fot Netflix.

29. My divorce was final on March 13 and I was so happy to take back my last name! April stood by my side and it was NOT a day of tears! Praise the Lord!

30. I'm alive! I laugh on a regular basis! I have a safe place to live!

So that's it. 30 has been the best year by far in the last 4. I'm smart enough to realize I couldn't have survived this year and ENJOYED it without the prayers, provision, and support of many. So, thanks! I'm not so scared of 31....in fact, I'm sure that it can only get better!