Thursday, December 29, 2011


my new home:

i was on another friend's blog the other day, (yes. i do check this all the time. don't worry, i'm stalking you all.), and i noticed out of the corner of my eye- "thirtysomething- updated 7 months ago" SEVEN!

worst. blogger. ever.

life is good, dear friends. ridiculously, amazingly, undeservingly good. too much to tell you about....but good enough to retire this blog. i think it represents a certain phase of life that has come to a close. there's been lots to celebrate- but lots of grief and moving forward is wrapped up in these posts. i'm glad i'll have them to look back on, but it's time to shut er' down.

from now on- you can get updates here: this little gem will be full of all the things i love to fill my friends' bellies with....nothing really brings me to life more than making pretty and delicious things. so- a new leaf!

i've been working on some updates to my apartment. in about a week it will all be done and i'll have great things to share. until then....try to hold onto the supsense.

Saturday, May 7, 2011

dear mom


i have known all my life that you wanted a little girl named "megan noel" and a little boy named "kevin alan". you wanted us more than anything. (dad too, but today this is about you.)

you are an exceptional mother. after teaching all day, i do not know how you always entered our home in the evening with a smile on your face. ready to cook dinner, or take us to music lessons, or boy scouts, or 4H, or a school project. you always put aside your own needs to make sure we had all the experiences life had to offer. only to have to somehow manage to get us out of bed the next morning for school. (not an easy task, i know.)

you have modeled a life of humility, service, love and loyalty. and while your genes have given me curly hair, good vocal chords, and artistic ability- the way i've seen you live your life has offered me so much more.

i'm so thankful for many life lessons. most of all, i thank the Lord every day that you taught us to live without prejudice. from the time i was a child, i can remember you making it very clear to me that color/economic status/sexual orientation/religion were not ways to define people. it was very important that we understood all people were to be treated with kindness and love. prejudice and judgement were not acceptable behaviors in our home. thank you.

honestly mama, thank you for so many things. thank you for life. and i don't mean just for giving birth to me, i mean for bringing me back to life these last 2 years.

i mean, what would i have done without you? honestly. you stepped in- like a warrior. right in front of me. made decisions when i couldn't. gave me the strength to leave. i honestly thought i wasn't going to make it. but with the care you offered, and the strength the Lord gave you, you did it.

i love you. i love it that you are my friend. i love speaking honestly with you. i love spending time with you. i love watching you walk with the Lord. i love watching you worship Him with your friends. i love it the most when you pray over me on the phone.

happy mother's day. i will see you on wednesday. and we will celebrate you!

Wednesday, February 23, 2011

just so i can laugh at this in ten years.

it is no secret that april joy seehorn is one of my favorite people on this planet. she is, for lack of a better word, my 'wing-man'.

we're pretty funny together. zac always says we're like a circus side show. and other people have said we have a 'secret language'. i think it's safe to say you could think it's an act we put on to entertain our friends...but just so you know we's always be keepin' it real. here is a recent text conversation:

april: your bf, JT, is a dbag. have you read perez?

me: no

april: one of your boyfriends will not let your other boyfriend sing his songs. i think they're fighting over you.

**me: quickly log onto and find out that justin timberlake (my boyfriend) will not sign over his rights to his songs to be sung on glee...(by corey monteith, my other boyfriend.) the horror, gasp.**

me: you're right. they are. it's sad.

april: i think you should have a sit down with them and explain you have enough love to go around...and be sure they're shirtless during your conversation.

me: i like the way you think. you know me so well.

and this is how we do.

Monday, January 31, 2011


this is lily. she is four. i love her. two years ago...i said often, 'she's the only smart thing i did in two years.' i'll still stand by that statement. lil makes people laugh. she doesn't shed and she doesn't smell. she doesn't wine or bark. she walks off leash and she never runs away. she happily gets in her 'hut' when i go to work. in fact, my dog is so cool that people come to my house when i'm not home just to hang out with her. i could go on....

i've been thinking about this because a family i love has had to find a new home for their sweet, sweet dog. (i'm not one of those bloggers that feels it is my place to provide some sort of 'link' or tell you their story, so i won't.) just know that as they have faced loss and grief, their dog has also shared this burden with them, and is no longer healthy and happy. they have found her a new home. this is so sad. i have cried as i read these last posts from my friend. cried because i love their dog. cried because i'm so sad they face yet another loss and transition. but i celebrate their decision to do what is best, even though it is hard to say goodbye.

in praying for them and hoping for them, i've found myself reflecting on lily. and how thankful i am for her resilience. i mean, she was initially raised in a home full of lots and lots of male yelling. (she is somewhat afraid of men, still. but getting better.) and when i left my husband i gave her to my mom for awhile because i was worried he would steal her. she lived with me again after i got my apartment. and now, she pops back and forth between my house and my moms depending on the weather or my travels. and she is so happy.

i'm thankful for her. she has sat with me through these years of grief and moving on. it may sound silly, but she has provided lots of joy and lots of fun during initially lonely times. she sleeps at my feet as i write this, and i just have to take a moment to thank the Lord for her companionship. and her ability to adapt to different environments in stressful situations.

as the saying goes, she may not be my best friend, but she is a good friend, indeed.

Friday, December 24, 2010

happy birthday, mama

let me start by saying, my mother despises being the center of attention. parties, presents, any sort of adoration....these things make her VERY uncomfortable.

i decided to throw mom a party this year. she's a Christmas day baby. so it's rare that it would work out for me to be home early to plan something. i ALSO decided not to tell her. her friends all kept calling me..."is this a surprise?" my answer, "no, i just don't want to be the one to break the news. she'll get mad at me." i just hoped someone else would tell her. she finally found out sometime last weekend, it didn't go over well, but she finally let it go.

her best friend, said it best in an email the morning of the 23rd:

"Have fun at your party today....Humble servants can enjoy their own birthday parties because their friends receive a blessing by celebrating with their special friend."

here are a few pictures.

my mom has amazing friends. amazing. women that point her to Jesus and have walked so closely with her through the years. they have the most amazing relationship. it is something to aspire to when i am older. thank the Lord, for the many, many women in my mom's life. i suppose around 30 people were able to make the celebration.

i cooked lots and lots of food.

i made these gift bags as favors for coming. the flowers are actually pins. (you can see the ladies wearing them in the first picture.) i don't know what i was thinking when i took on all 30 of them. april helped me cut all the petals. i'll have to pay for her doctor's bill someday when she has arthritis. in the bags are MARSHMALLOWS! did you know you could make marshmallows?? you can! so much fun! highly recommended!

and also thanks to april, i made these beautiful cupcakes! they were a big hit.

happy 65th birthday, mama. i love you the mostest.

Sunday, December 12, 2010

dear kellie,

there are things i could not say to you when i said goodbye today. because i could not speak. but, i want you to know...

you are my best friend.

i have cherished our moments of worship this summer. together, singing old praise songs at the church you married in. also sitting in the living room, and if i shut my eyes tight enough, it felt like Cairo with the sounds of matt leading us on his guitar. telling myself to remember this moment, because it will not come again soon. knowing that one day, we will stand before Jesus and sing for eternity. thinking how sweet it will be.

and with maya. the sweet, squishy, blue eyed girl. you are an amazing mother. the kind of mother and friend that makes me feel like i can fit in that world somehow. the kind of that makes people feel valuable and important, even though your world has changed with that little person in your life. and she will know what is important, and what is not. because you will ask yourself 1,000 times what is right for her, and when you finally decide, it will be just what she needs. she is blessed to have you both.

and to see you in love. priceless. my heart is overwhelmed with the love in your marriage. i am so thankful beyond words. i sit and watch you both sometimes, and try to tell the story in my head. i mean, how did this ACTUALLY happen? i remember talking with matt, and talking with you, and the waiting....and now this. such a testament to God's faithfulness.

i'm so happy you are living the life you were designed for. chasing hard after it. investing in the lives of those around you. pursuing others with genuine interest and love. He will change the world with your love for others. they will meet you and not forget you. they will wonder why you were kind to them. why you cared. no one can meet you and not see something special in you.

thank you for giving me so much of your time these few months. i know it is precious. and in return, i feel so special to have had these days and weekends.

i am thankful for it all. sharing a room. sharing a house. sharing a strange, large, lost city. walking along the Great Wall with you. riding in that taxi, wondering how we would ever find our way back. having matching pajama pants. snorkeling in many bodies of water, trying to drown you in all of them. watching the storm nearly tear hawaii down, talking about how i felt like that uprooted tree. sleeping in the grand prix on the side of the road. going to the lake and pulling the broken boat back to shore. lots and lots and lots of boys and broken hearts. knowing that matt was the one. throwing a fit when i was not ready for him to invade my hawaiin vacation. walking down the isle. sending you off to atlanta. eating at pretty restaurants with flowers on the plates. loving each of your siblings for such special and different reasons. sitting with your teary mama over a christmas lunch as she sent gifts off to china. muslin. goats. snowed in porches. cigarettes and wine coolers. being broken, honest, and vulnerable. a card you sent me after my dad died. the tears we shared at the end of my marriage.

you are family, to me. i love you. i will miss you.

until we hug again,


Wednesday, December 8, 2010

two months.

i haven't blogged in two months. lame.

but i've been reading your blogs. i love it.

i could tell you all the wonderful things i've been up to. but that seems impossible.

instead, i'll tell you the highlight reel:

i got to see justin play on a big stage in front of lots of people with matt and april. highlight.

i've had sweet, sweet times with kel before they head back to a far away land. highlight.

i continue to spend my sunday evenings with those i love around the dinner table. and snuggled up on my couches watching our favorite serial killer. highlight.

i went to manhattan and loved on my sturm friends. highlight.

i watched my brother complete his first 5k. highlight.

i got the most beautiful oil painting from someone i respect and admire. and it's hanging on my wall. highlight.

there are a couple others that i can't quite let out of the bag yet. but soon, very soon.

it will be a blog heard around the world on that day.