i got one.

a computer, that is. it's been an ongoing saga, i know. after all that contemplating, what will i do now? one of the year's great dilemma's. solved. bam. perhaps all things in life should go this way?

nope.

well, i've got some sweet pixels of memory in my possession, trapped on my little camera. and someday, oneday, they will make it on to the blogosphere. several of my summer adventures have officially come and gone. most were expected, but a couple surprises here and there.

the sturms? came with thunder and left with a.....clean apartment? really. they cleaned my apartment like little elves on friday while i was at work. my heart still feels really full when elijah calls me aunt megan. i laughed so hard i nearly peed when zeke ripped the plant out of the pot at worlds of fun. and tears of laughter occured while watching cooper nearly jump out of his pants during the last inning of the royals game when the jumbo screen burst into flames and played 'welcome to the jungle' so loud you could hear it miles away. that kid is hard core. hard. core.
it was a good 48 hours. i was exhausted. those kids ate me alive.

i got some good time with jess. a coffee talk that lasted nearly three hours. i honestly cannot remember the last time i had a three hour conversation and didn't look at the clock or wonder where i needed to be. it was good for my heart and soul. that girl knows me. the ugly and the pretty and the somewhere in between. and she's always loved me just the same.

i went to the counting crows concert with some folks. it was good. and weird. and maybe my least favorite of the counting crows shows i've ever been to. i'll have more words and pics on that later.

but for now, i blogged. because? i can! sitting at my table. in my house. with my dog. on the computer the Lord so blessedly provided after much prayer and thought.

p.s.- welcome home, my sweet, sweet kellie. i love knowing that you're reading this NOT across the ocean. for awhile. can't wait to hug you, my friend. (tears.)

ready, set,

go!

i really should blog more than once a month. i should. but i don't have a computer. which is up for debate currently. hmm. i can't decide. i really can afford only one. my dvr, or a computer? the only reason i really need a computer is to skype with kellie. but she's coming home soon. so maybe i'll wait until she leaves again? i don't know. tangent.

moving on. i have a job. thank you, thank you for praying for me. i work for....(wait for it)....colon and rectal surgeons. yes. i'm serious. the OTHER end. there are many words for what i do now. but most of them seem unprofessional, and i respect medicine way to much for me to tell the interwebs what i think. but mostly i work for GREAT doctors. and that is the most important thing. there are lots of bad doctors. doctors who don't love what they do. or lazy doctors. or uncaring doctors. but my doctors are GOOD doctors. i'm blessed. if you live in the kansas city area, and want a good doctor. ask me, i'll send you to one. i've been around. i've got the scoop.

i had been praying for doctors such as these, and the Lord opened the door to them. i've been there for a couple weeks. and the BEST part? we share a parking lot with my old neurology office!! i get to see the people i love whenever i want. it's the best part. while building new relationships, i get to continue the old ones. i do miss neurology. but, i've been entrusted with some medical assisting, and while it's not pretty, it's what i wanted. yeah!

now, the summer is at hand. the pools are open! (praise be to the Lord. enter hallelujah chorus here.) i love the pools. next saturday you will find april and i- US weekly in hand, large cherry limeades in mouth, music in ears, bodies oiled up-poolside. it's really so wonderful i can hardly stand it.

since the summer is full of job and moving transition. (coming soon at the end of june- "the move.") the rest of it will be fairly low-key. those tale's will include:

• a couple epic lady's nights downtown at the main 6 seeing sex in the city 2 and eclipse. (i'm such a nerd.)
• a few concerts- the most anticipated being a much belated reunion with the counting crows. (words cannot describe how much i love them.)
• a few royals games here and there. (yes, i do believe my friends have made a 'fan' out of me.)
• we're going camping!!!!! (and by 'we' i mean, my sweet friends that don't really love camping but are suffering through a weekend in the ozarks out of love for me.)
• KELLIE IS COMING HOME! (i actually start to cry when i think about it. it's been a long time coming. i actually picture myself bursting into sobs when i see her, and then i think about how that can't happen because it will scare baby Maya, and i can't have baby Maya fear me. and then i think i might not be able to control myself, so maybe matt should hold her inside until i am normal? it's true. i think about it.) can you understand the anticipation? it's like the other half of me, people.
• THE STURMS ARE COMING! THE STURMS ARE COMING! (i'm not sure when yet, because they don't know, but they are coming. and i cannot wait to hug those munchkins. and brian and mindi too.) it will be a lovely, loud, and chaotic time. if it lacked any of those three elements, it would just not be a proper visit.

i think that covers it. i mean, zach is coming. lyle too. and i'm thankful they probably don't read this or they might be upset they didn't get their own 'bullet'. but i thought another one announcing the arrival of someone i love would be a little annoying to the readers. but, you get the point.

i promise to post pictures of my vacation with my mama. there's a couple pretty cute ones. but they are on april's computer. and he's at the doctor right now, getting a new hard drive. and i only blog on april's computer.

which leads us back to the original dilema. to get a computer. it's either, get a computer and pay for internet. or don't and keep my dvr. i don't have cable people. and i know i can watch my shows on a computer, but it's just not the same. i'm torn.

but at least i blogged. (and i read all your blogs on my phone. i just can't comment. boo.)

good news

i have a job!!!!!!

a road less traveled

the job hunt continues.

i turned down a job a week ago. there was no peace when i thought about working in that office. none- at all. i think the easiest thing would have been to take the job, i suppose. most people would say i'm insane in this economy to turn down a job. i wasn't sure i was making the right decision, so i laid out the fleece. a sort of, 'if you want me to take the job, then these are my requirements'. i decided an unwillingness to bend on their end, was an urging from the Lord to move on. i'm hoping i don't regret it. i'm mostly hoping i'm not insane.

i was telling a friend the other day, that it's been a long time since i chose the unknown. to trust the faint voice of God, or what i think is God. (i'll explain that statement later.) you see- when i pray, or sit, or think about being unemployed on june 1st, i have no anxiety. i just have an overwhelming sense that something wonderful is coming. i don't know what, but i'm rather sure of it.

there is a neurosurgeon i love and respect. i talked to him the other day and his office will be hiring soon. you see, it's neurology. i love neurology. lots of my patients now are referred to this specific neurosurgeon. we work very closely. i think it's pretty much a done deal, i just have to wait patiently for him to REMEMBER to hire me. waiting. and there is a chance this waiting could end in...unemployment. but i'm choosing to believe in the peace that exists in my heart. the one that's undoubtedly from Him.

so while i wait, i pray. and hope.

and this my friends, is the road less traveled. i think it's a road i used to wander frequently. when life and decisions were simpler. less dangerous. damaging. but life is scarier now. and the pretty, paved road seems so much easier. the one that says, take the job, be employed.

i do not easily trust. not anymore. i was so confused and manipulated not long ago. and when i chose to do the hardest thing of all, to leave my husband, it was not a matter of trust. it was a matter of survival. i had to choose to leave so that i would not die. i see that God opened the door of freedom from that slavery. but the whole year was such a time of planning, strategic and calculated planning. i had to make very cautious choices to survive. to escape. to hide.

in fact, i'm still hiding. i was walking lily tonight, looking over my shoulder for a blue-green eclipse. his new car that i've never even seen. trying to figure out the best way to get to safety if he drove by. i decided it would be best to run into the middle of the street and yell for help. that way he wouldn't stop, or at least for long. i decided that if he found out where i lived, i would just move out and pay the rest of my lease. (it's only two months.)

that's my reality. but this is different. i've learned to survive. i've spent over a year doing it. and after months of waiting, hoping, and praying, i feel like i can begin to trust the Lord. to trust that maybe i'm not crazy. that maybe the peace that i'm feeling IS from Him. and that faint voice IS His. that i can actually look to Him as a Saviour. as someone real who is going to help me with this next faze of my life. someone i believe to actual be bringing me something good. and the parts of me that hesitate and second guess, and want to hold on, are starting to let go.

and it feels so nice.

the process.

gag. vomit.

i hate searching for jobs. hate it.

the axe finally dropped. i don't even remember the term they used. it all sucks. neurology consultants has to sell-out to the big man before my sweet, hard working doctors go crazy. my position is eliminated, and they sadly let me go.

i'm okay with it. not offended at all. i know they love me and think i'm a star employee. there just isn't a bad employee here, and they've all been here FOREVER.

the thing i'll miss most is

#1- this man. he's been like a dad. he listens to me ramble, tells me that i'll fall in love again one day, laughs at celebrity gossip, listens to me talk about tv, and life. he has been my friend. and newsflash- totally inappropriate to associate with a 67 year old man outside the workplace. so, aside from an occasional stop in to the office. the working relationship ends.

#2- trust. they so trust me to do nearly anything. it's not easily given in the workplace, and i have theirs.

#3- cocktail hour on friday's when the last patient walks out the door. it's so fun. (i mean, what doctor's office you know keeps a six-pack in the fridge and wine cart in the closet?)

#4-patients. i love our crazy, insane, needy patients.

#5-music. sweet dr. kelley brings me cd's he thinks i cannot live without. who does that?

that's not it. but those are the things i'm hoping to find in a new place.

i'm not even freaking out about this. (mass hysteria when i found out about the 'merger' in january.) but now, i have an overwhelming peace that something great is coming.

something great.

and i'd just like to point out......when grey's anatomy merged....there were some seriously hot doctors and a lot of making out. i kind of feel ripped off. i mean....i want my own mcsteamy.

i've got- mcnothing.

hot mess.

ok. so, i love getting my haircut. i get my haircut at bijin in prairie village. it is my single-most favorite place in kansas city. it has it's own distinct fragrance line, and slippers, and robes, and quiet music. and did i mention a glass of wine while i wait? it's glorious.

jenni has cut my hair since i moved here. she's cute and sweet and cuts only curly hair. i never have any fears when i go see jenni. her hair-cuts cost more than a pair of shoes, but i can't bring myself to go anywhere else. one wrong snip, and i look like weird al. (and i only get three haircuts a year, so i think it kind of evens out with the rest of the female population?)

first, picture this: yesterday. haircut time. i decided to go straight from the gym to the salon. sweaty, gross, no make-up, red-faced, and in black stretchy pants and a sports bra.

now, jenni has an assistant. her assistant is always changing, it's usually someone who is starting out at the salon. said person is responsible for washing my hair, getting me a smock, taking my purse, getting me a beverage of choice, and giving me a scalp massage.

so as i'm sitting waiting to be taken back to the back- i'm actually getting a bit antsy. mostly because i've been waiting a few minutes, and i'm so sweaty i'm starting to worry that i'm going to leave a mark in the chair when i get up. (gross, i know.)

and i hear, "megan? for jenni?" and i look, and THIS is calling my name.i'm not kidding. i mean, he had a shirt on. but this is what this kid looked like. exactly. and i was mortified.

i don't have anything else to say, but that. MORTIFIED.

it's all because of the food.

i totally dig award shows. like, love them. maybe it's because i love movies so much, or entertainment in general? i don't know. but my friends? they humor me. they come to my house, they fill out a ballot, they listen quietly while people give their (mostly boring) speeches. they eat and drink and bring something to help out. mostly for the fellowship, and they love movies, but mostly for me. and this year the oscars didn't end until 11:30!!! but they hung in like champs. sweet friends.

there were more of them (friends, that is.) but i'm terrible at taking pictures when i'm busy filling glasses and bellies. this is all i've got.

this is the spread. i can't take credit for all of it, sadly. but most of it kept me up all night saturday and working all day on sunday!




i'm most proud of my desserts! the little cheescake recipe was from redbook, called black-bottom cheesecakes, and they were delicious! the recipe called for creme freche, it was an excellent change in place of regular sour cream. and the other is irish coffee cupcakes. the frosting has whiskey in it. i had my doubts, but it was just enough to give the perfect flavor.


i told todd that if he didn't smile i would post this as 'todd passed out from drinking too much early in the evening." so, it is. (but not really.)

leah and shaune, the cutest little besties.

april doing what she does best. haha! really, she loves food. i don't know where it all goes.