Tuesday, June 30, 2009

silly jillian

i love the bachelor...and the bachelorette. any season, you name it, heather and jenni got me hooked on this way back when. it's a fairly entertaining ritual. women all across the u.s. gather around their televisions, in groups, with food.....only to gawk, stare, swoon, and laugh at the trainwrecks.

this season, i have grown especially fond of a break-dancing, funny man. his name is michael. and he is 25. which is considerably young for miss jillian. however, he is adorable. not my type as he has blond hair and blue eyes, neither of which i have ever cared for in the male species. but he is absolutely endearing and wreckless and i find it refreshing. this WHOLE SEASON i have been hoping that the intelligence of this woman would catch on to how cool michael is. (see below) but....she gave him the boot. and as i absolutely despise tearful bachelor exits, his was sweet and sort of horrible. (i felt so bad i had to watch it through my fingers as my hands were over my face.)




now....even more disturbing (but NOT surprising), jillian kept wes. who, even though being accused of already in a relationship, has greater problems. like....no personality? nothing to say. just a bunch of 'i don't knows' and such. he gets on my nerves, but more so, i'm disappointed that she can't see through the guitar.

i would, however, come out of my hiatus for michael. even though i have sworn off men forever, especially those of the younger caliber.

Wednesday, June 24, 2009

turning 30

ps......did i tell you that i went to california for my thirtieth birthday with some very wonderful friends? ben, april and i flew over to visit our friend zach. he works at a camp in redlands, california, so we started out there for a couple days, went to disney land, and then went to l.a. for the rest of the trip.

ben had the hook-up staying at a super-sweet hotel on hollywood blvd next to the kodak theatre. we went to a taping of ellen, the bonnie hunt show, and american idol. we roamed around venice beach for a bit, ate some good food, and didn't eat most of the time. (we were super busy, going here and there.) we watched the ku/mizzou game with a bunch of la-bound jayhawk fans and that was fun. but really, we spent most of our time in a fun bar, that i wish was in kansas city.




we met matt, rich, and lyle......who made the trip even more fun because we knew where to go and what to eat, and those boys provided lots of laughs. though they might say it were april and i who provided the most entertainment. (after four long islands i might say they were correct, on one occasion. what? it was my 30th.)

anyway, it was a fantastic way to kick off a new decade, gladly leaving the last one behind.


summer

i'm waiting to blog about my summer adventures until i have some pictures to post...but stay tuned for the following:

tales of painting: i found the perfect little mermaid teal to paint all over my living room. and after what ended up being 'caution sign yellow' all over my kitchen walls, i am nearing the end of covering up that disaster with a much more mellow mustard.

the secret garden: my mom hasn't worked in her flowers for two years, (since my dad died), so i have spent 2 weekends (the 3rd coming up in july) slaving away, uncovering what has been long unattended. i've mostly been digging up bricks and landscaping, killing off overgrown crabgrass, putting said bricks and landscaping back, weeding, digging, weed-eating some more. it will take all summer, but next summer it will be brilliance.

not-so-steel-magnolia's: i have what i believe to be the world's largest magnolia tree outside my apartment. i've been watching the blooms form, and they too, are ginormous. now, i thought with such a hardy tree, and blooms the size of my head, that i would be enjoying these for weeks. nope. seriously, this is what my life has come to, waiting for a flower to bloom.

patio pots: i've enjoyed working outside lately. it started last year. i slaved away at our [mario and i] house last summer. it was hard, and hot, and in the end, wonderful. now i have a two pretty decent sized flower beds at my apartment, and a large patio. so....i planted lots of flowers in the beds and mulched and raked and sweated. and in a few pots i planted sage, oregano, cilantro, parsley, mint, thyme, chives, lavender, and a couple bug-be-gone herbs. they are doing quite nicely. what is not doing so nicely? my tomatoes. the things are growing, getting taller, bigger, but NOT ONE BLOSSOM. i anxiously await tomatos. i talk to the thing, pray for the thing. nothin'. i will be so disappointed AND disgruntled if i don't get anything. poo.

Tuesday, June 16, 2009

not-so-happy....

...anniversary.

i've got a hard core case of the grouchies/weepies this week. i'd love to say that i have the amazing ability to talk to myself in the mirror, say 'get over it', and it be that easy, but it's not.

yesterday was mario's birthday. 'happy birthday, mario. wherever you are.' i have seen june 15th looming on the calendar for about a week and dreaded it's coming. unknowingly yesterday, i came to work, and the first time i typed it- 6/15/09, my heart dropped to the pit of my stomach. it was like going down a rollercoaster, except i really like rollercoasters. i can say that i truly thought i was going to kick yesterday's ass, having made so much progress these last months, i really thought i might conquer. but, i lost. on the way home from work yesterday i burst into tears, and quickly found myself on the couch in complete 'mope' mode. i can't quite describe the feeling. it was like i was missing something, and like i should have been doing something. i mean, for the last few years i've cooked the dinner, made the cake, planned the party. and this year, nothing. it's truly the most bizarre out-of-body experience. to feel completely cut off from someone i used to share EVERYTHING with.

and to add insult to injury. saturday is our wedding anniversary. so, here with the memories of what i was doing exactly one year ago. walking down the isle....dreaming about the future....celebrating....cutting cake. ugh. gross. vomit. it's like taking a big sharpie and scribbling all over the pretty memories in my head. wanting to be happy about something that just doesn't have any happy left.

my mom says to remember that i won. that i got the better end of this deal. that i am no longer abused, yelled at, and left all alone. and i think i'll try to cling to that. to celebrate the fact that God set me free and pulled me out of the pit when i really thought i was stuck, for good.

anyway, those are the tales of the divorcee for today. sucks.

Friday, June 12, 2009

happy friday


this is my screen saver at work.
i like to think he's smiling at me.....and now, he's smiling at you.
enjoy.

Thursday, June 11, 2009

it's love

i brought home my little bundle of joy on sunday night. (my fuzzball dog, lily, that my mom has been harboring for me until i was settled.) and to be honest, i forgot how much work it is to have a dog. nine months of freedom is a long time, and i had become used to doing whatever i wanted in the evening.

lily's pretty fun. 9 pounds of cuddles and kisses. i like to refer to her as "the only good decision i made in two years." (it's really true.) but the problem is i am completely ridden with guilt when i put her in her kennel every morning, and return every evening....around 10 hours later. i realize that most dogs spend the majority of the day by themselves, but you need to understand that lily spent the last 9 months in dog heaven. ferserious. my mom is retired, with two cats, my brother, and lots of time. so this dog of mine had 'round the clock attention and playmates. so imagine her little down-turned ears every morning when i part. it's not fun.

as a result of guilt and the desire to be a GOOD dog-owner, i have now managed to drag myself out of bed at 6:00 every morning to feed her, take her on a walk, and play with her before i go to work. now, mind you, i go to the gym every night, so this 'exercise' is not for me. it's for her, and it goes something like this: step-step-sniff-step-bark-step-step-piddle-sniff-sniff-poop. for thirty minutes. it's not fun, but it does edge off the guilt a little, and i know she feels better.

anyone knows where to get some doggie prozac?