Friday, October 1, 2010

a thought. before i forget it.

i've expressed before that a season i love has been dismantled by two sorrowful anniversaries. i don't really love august or september anymore. i more frequently find myself to be a subconscious basket case and a little less motivated.

no more than 5 days separate the day i left my marriage and the day my father died. but, that's not the point.

two years ago, i would have said that the failure of my marriage (that specific moment, the leaving part and the days thereafter) was much more painful than losing my father. i don't remember feeling actual physical pain when my dad died, or the lack of ability to breathe. i felt both when i left mario. however, at this point in time, the absence of my father is much more painful than i remember the leaving.

i'm not sure if it is because the blessed quietness of my life currently does not mask the absence of him as the chaos of years past has? or i can't hear his voice as much as i used to? i have so much sorrow in the midst of the missing him.

anyway, i miss my dad. praise be to Jesus that i will see him again.