patients, however, are complex. they are sick, scared, and unknowing of what to expect. some of them smell and some of them are weird. sure, there are hemorrhoids and constipation and things that will go away. but there is also cancer and HIV and permanent ostomy bags. it's overwhelming really.
i have the opportunity to love others well. to remind them they are heard and valued. i'd like to say i do that all the time, but i don't. it shouldn't be hard. i don't know why i get in the way, but i seem to make it awfully difficult.
a few weeks ago 'jane' came in the office. i don't really remember why she was there. she was truly odd, and i was uncomfortable.
when i finally got her all situated and turned to walk away, she pulled a massive album out of her purse and said, "want to see my pride and joy? i've got bragging rights." i quickly told her i didn't have time. so she sat down and waited. and my time freed up. and still she sat. i don't know why it was so hard for me to go sit with her and look through her dang album. but it was. i'd like to say it was love overflowing that finally motivated me to get up and sit with her. but it wasn't. it was total guilt. a wave of revealed selfishness and carelessness. this was not who i was supposed to be.
i got up and sat next to her. "all right, 'jane', let's see this!" in the end, to make this woman feel valued, took a total of ten minutes of my life.
'jane' showed me her album. it was about six inches thick and full of HUGE embroidery pieces she had made. like, five feet tall. most of them designed herself. she lives alone, with her two birds. she has five sisters, two of them are still alive and her companions. her husband is gone. recently her sweet landlord came and installed a window unit for these hot summer months. "a life saver." she survived breast cancer. and now, one more person has marveled her work. (my sweet dr. looked at them, too.)
thank you, Jesus, for allowing me to crawl out of myself and be some sort of resemblance of You.
i had to call her today to follow up on her surgical care, and she said with a laugh, "tell the dr. i don't hate him." what?!? she said, "the last time i saw him before surgery he said, you're not going to like me for a few days after this." oh, right. "i haven't felt this good in years......." (enter a tangent that lasted forever.) ok, well, i look forward to seeing you tomorrow.
and i actually meant it.
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