wet floor. sweaty bottom.

let me start by saying i LOVE 24 hour gym classes. i've been going to them for almost four years. i'll even say that it's my favorite evening activity, and i'll forgo hanging out with friends in order to enjoy my classes. i also have a membership to the YMCA via my mom (so i can work out in topeka) that is good anywhere, but i don't care, i love my gym. i'll pay for it.

let me add on that i have a routine. something monday, tuesday, etc., etc.- except for wednesday. that's my free night. i usually just do some cardio on an elyptical, stretch, and go home. HOWEVER, this wednesday (last night), was different. my ear buds broke on my ipod, and i absolutely cannot work out without music. it makes for the longest. work out. ever. so....i decided to hop in to a TKB class, led by miza. i have done one of her classes before and remember it was a good work out. (let me add also that i am a total gym class SNOB. i can tell you the best teachers in the city, and i won't go to the bad ones. no matter the situation.) what i DON'T remember, however, is that she is a total drill sergeant and that i needed to fear for my life!!

it was packed. which is a good thing. it means she's good. maybe 40 bodies in a room built for the clearly marked 28- above the door in fire-code fashion. and we were off. no warnings, no hi's, no "my names is....welcome to.....". nothing. (which is fine. i could do the warm-up in my sleep.) but we were doing the newest round. which i hadn't done yet, because the class i normally attend is still doing the last one. i was actually quite proud of myself because i was picking it up more quickly than normal...avoiding looking like a fumbling idiot. and then it happened. about 20 minutes in the floor was covered in sweat. too many people. small space. not enough fans. dehumidifier not cutting it. and things got slimy.

i was so worried about slipping and busting a knee-cap. most instructors would say "be careful", or "watch the floor ladies", but not her. she just kept on. the girl behind me fell. nothing. miza reminded me of a gymnast on crack. i wanted so plea, "i like my knees. i need them." i was happy to be cautious and careful. apparently, she thought i was a wuss.

to top it all off....at the end of class, we do squats. now, being cautious of my knees i was doing very hesitant squats. i was wobbly. tired. shaky. covered in sweat. so this results in less than proper form. according to her, this was unacceptable. so, you know what she did? she came by and yelled, "TIGHTER!", and gave me a good shove. any other day, i would think, "oh, she's telling me how good i'm doing, that's nice." but not today. as i lost footing from the push, nearly falling over, i thought, "she's really trying to kill me." isn't that special?

and you know what? i'll go back next wednesday.

shiny, sparkely, Jesus

this sounds like an advertisement, and a description that doesn't quite sound reverant enough, usually, i would be mortified. but today, on this grand day of 07/08/09- something miraculous has happened.....

MY MOM DOES NOT HAVE CANCER!!!!!

isn't it glorious? weeping on the floor, thank you, thank you, Jesus wonderful? it is. and maybe to appreciate it's wonder you need the background.

my mom had cancer in 2000. and after surgery it didn't come back. my dad had cancer in 2006. and he did not win that battle. mom gets cancer for second time in 2008. (not even two years after i lost my dad.) and to be honest it just didn't seem fair. we do the surgery thing, it's gone, and we hope for the best. and one month ago, we found out that mom has cancer for third time. super bummed. defeated. bleck.

now....in the past days, during this most recent cancer dance i sat down with God and said outloud, in my big comfy chair, all alone in my apartment, in tears: "i know that there are no guarantees. and no limitations on what i should or should not have to endure because, that's not how you work, and who am i to question you. but really, i think i've had enough- for now. i need a break with all this. i know you're going to do what you do, and i'll learn to be okay with that, but please, please, please, make my mom okay. i just need that. that's it. please." now, knowing how my God works, and knowing that i've had lots of big requests in my life, and most of the time, i don't get my wish list. i instead always get to walk the "you give and take away, you are still God and worthy of my praise" road again. i don't mind that road, but it isn't my first choice this time.

but low and behold. TODAY, i got MY MIRACLE!!! i've been waiting all my life for one of those moments that i hear about. when He shows up just like you asked to give you your every desire. and He did. that's all i wanted. shiny, sparkley, Jesus showed up and took her cancer away. my mom got a call from the doc and it's gone. "i guess it must have been scar tissue", they said. never mind the fact that they nearly had my mom's surgery scheduled and her radiation weeks after that. she doesn't need it! just another check up in 3 months.

thank you, thank you, Jesus. for being so sweet to me, and showing me a side of yourself i have never experienced. i feel so special and important in your great big world of need. thank you for answering mine.

my safe little space

i think i've said before how wonderful my new home is. it's small, and not even really mine, but it represents so much that i truly thank to Lord for bringing me there every single day. i realized life isn't about having what we want, or things in perfect order, but it's those little things that bring me so much joy. you see, in this apartment, i picked out everything. the colors, the music i play, the tv i watch, the food i cook. and all in all, that sounds amazingly selfish and self-centered. but only if i hadn't spent the past two years as a stranger in my own home. you see, no one can yell at me here. no one can tell me i didn't do something right, no one can leave me in the middle of the night and not come home until six in the morning. no one can disrespectfully not take care of my things, and no one can make me cry. it's my safe place. and it's been too, too long since i had one.

welcome.

it's not done yet, but i thought i'd show you a few of my favorite things.

this is my white couch. yes, white. i'm not sure what i was thinking, but i know i bought these pre-husband and pre-dog. glad to say they survived and i really think that God smiled on me, and let all the stains come out. i made all the new pillows....i love paisley. that pattern makes me smile. and yes, my walls are turqouise. i love them. it's the perfect and exact shade i was hoping for. i think it has been stated as "little mermaid", but everyone agrees it's awesome.


and these are the other pillows i made...and the otomon i covered myself in the paisley that i love. the picture above is fun and reminds me of a very special stepping stone, my time working with kel. and now, it reminds me of restoration and the truth that God is always devising ways to bring us back to him, and to eachother.








and this is the corner....my mom helped me make the curtains, too. i had more pics than this, but they didn't upload, and i'm still working on a few things, so we'll try some more when the product is finished.





and this is my little mess, i haven't finished. and to be honest, i'm stuck. i have these black shelves to hang next to the large picture, but i'm not sure what to put on them...candle holders, i guess? but the wine cabinet is such a blessing. i have been looking for the perfect one forever, and i finally found it. in perfect condition on craig's list. for $40 bucks!!!! and the pic above it my grandma painted, she says it's her favorite one she has ever done. the other half of the room is great. super annoyed i didn't get pics uploaded right. i refinished a dresser and other stuff.

more to come soon. come over, anytime.

try as i might

as i told you earlier, i've been trying to grow things. i do not have the green thumb of my mother, it seems that whatever she touches blooms and thrives. maybe, it's a skill that comes with practice, but here are my small efforts, courtesy of my mama.

let me start by saying this plant(picture top right) i had in manhattan. (eeka and linds you might remember) it was in the front room of the fairchild house about 10 inches tall and 3 little leaves held on for their dear life. when i moved to kansas city, my mom took custody and she swears that she only 'sat it on the back porch and watered it here and there'. please note also that at this point the plant is so tall i had to get the world's largest (and now heaviest when filled with dirt and said plant) planter to contain it's mass. it will take many men to bring this inside for the winter.

my other adventure was several hours of digging and removing leaves/old mulch in the two beds that surround my little patio. my mom helped me plant iris (that will bloom next spring) along the fence, and lots of cone flowers, daisies, lilies, and black-eyed susans to fill the newly cleaned beds. i can't kill any of those hardy flowers. they have just now started to really grow and bloom. (these pics were taken a month ago.....)











and please notice in the pic to the left, my sad, teasing little tomato plants. they have grown even bigger than when this picture is taken, and i'm not sure what i'm doing wrong, but i can't get the darn thing to blossom and give me food. ugh. so frustrating.

however, in the left above, right behind my chairs, you can see my herb pots. they are nice and bushy now, and i've even added a couple more. they house basil, thyme, sage, spearmint, pinapple mint, chives, parsley, cilantro, lavendar, and some bug be gone citronella smelling thing.


those are my efforts. any word on what to do for the 'maters? i'd take any help i can get.

silly jillian

i love the bachelor...and the bachelorette. any season, you name it, heather and jenni got me hooked on this way back when. it's a fairly entertaining ritual. women all across the u.s. gather around their televisions, in groups, with food.....only to gawk, stare, swoon, and laugh at the trainwrecks.

this season, i have grown especially fond of a break-dancing, funny man. his name is michael. and he is 25. which is considerably young for miss jillian. however, he is adorable. not my type as he has blond hair and blue eyes, neither of which i have ever cared for in the male species. but he is absolutely endearing and wreckless and i find it refreshing. this WHOLE SEASON i have been hoping that the intelligence of this woman would catch on to how cool michael is. (see below) but....she gave him the boot. and as i absolutely despise tearful bachelor exits, his was sweet and sort of horrible. (i felt so bad i had to watch it through my fingers as my hands were over my face.)




now....even more disturbing (but NOT surprising), jillian kept wes. who, even though being accused of already in a relationship, has greater problems. like....no personality? nothing to say. just a bunch of 'i don't knows' and such. he gets on my nerves, but more so, i'm disappointed that she can't see through the guitar.

i would, however, come out of my hiatus for michael. even though i have sworn off men forever, especially those of the younger caliber.

turning 30

ps......did i tell you that i went to california for my thirtieth birthday with some very wonderful friends? ben, april and i flew over to visit our friend zach. he works at a camp in redlands, california, so we started out there for a couple days, went to disney land, and then went to l.a. for the rest of the trip.

ben had the hook-up staying at a super-sweet hotel on hollywood blvd next to the kodak theatre. we went to a taping of ellen, the bonnie hunt show, and american idol. we roamed around venice beach for a bit, ate some good food, and didn't eat most of the time. (we were super busy, going here and there.) we watched the ku/mizzou game with a bunch of la-bound jayhawk fans and that was fun. but really, we spent most of our time in a fun bar, that i wish was in kansas city.




we met matt, rich, and lyle......who made the trip even more fun because we knew where to go and what to eat, and those boys provided lots of laughs. though they might say it were april and i who provided the most entertainment. (after four long islands i might say they were correct, on one occasion. what? it was my 30th.)

anyway, it was a fantastic way to kick off a new decade, gladly leaving the last one behind.

summer

i'm waiting to blog about my summer adventures until i have some pictures to post...but stay tuned for the following:

tales of painting: i found the perfect little mermaid teal to paint all over my living room. and after what ended up being 'caution sign yellow' all over my kitchen walls, i am nearing the end of covering up that disaster with a much more mellow mustard.

the secret garden: my mom hasn't worked in her flowers for two years, (since my dad died), so i have spent 2 weekends (the 3rd coming up in july) slaving away, uncovering what has been long unattended. i've mostly been digging up bricks and landscaping, killing off overgrown crabgrass, putting said bricks and landscaping back, weeding, digging, weed-eating some more. it will take all summer, but next summer it will be brilliance.

not-so-steel-magnolia's: i have what i believe to be the world's largest magnolia tree outside my apartment. i've been watching the blooms form, and they too, are ginormous. now, i thought with such a hardy tree, and blooms the size of my head, that i would be enjoying these for weeks. nope. seriously, this is what my life has come to, waiting for a flower to bloom.

patio pots: i've enjoyed working outside lately. it started last year. i slaved away at our [mario and i] house last summer. it was hard, and hot, and in the end, wonderful. now i have a two pretty decent sized flower beds at my apartment, and a large patio. so....i planted lots of flowers in the beds and mulched and raked and sweated. and in a few pots i planted sage, oregano, cilantro, parsley, mint, thyme, chives, lavender, and a couple bug-be-gone herbs. they are doing quite nicely. what is not doing so nicely? my tomatoes. the things are growing, getting taller, bigger, but NOT ONE BLOSSOM. i anxiously await tomatos. i talk to the thing, pray for the thing. nothin'. i will be so disappointed AND disgruntled if i don't get anything. poo.